How Childhood Trauma Can Lead to Adult Loneliness
How Childhood Trauma Can Lead to Adult Loneliness
Blog Article
- Young adults are said to be twice as likely as older people to experience loneliness.
- Deep feelings of emptiness may show up as boredom.
- Feelings of loneliness may increase after a narcissistic relationship, resulting in further social withdrawal.
- Childhood trauma can have lifelong consequences that vary depending on many factors, including the age of the original trauma, whether the trauma was an isolated event or chronic, the presence or absence of parental or primary caregiver support, the child’s natural resiliency, and the severity and duration of the trauma(s). Irrespective of the type of trauma, its consequences may leave long-lasting emotional wounds, which increase the risk of developing an attachment disorder in childhood, and the potential for adult relational trauma, including feelings of deep loneliness.
Current statistics on adult loneliness are staggering. More than 58 percent of U.S. adults consider themselves lonely, even when in a relationship. Young adults are said to be twice as likely as older people to experience loneliness, with 79 percent of people between the ages of 18-24 claiming they feel lonely. Similarly, 42 percent of adults ages 18-34 say they “always” feel lonely compared to only 16 percent of people 55 years old or older.
These statistics are representative of averages currently seen in the U.S. The rates and percentages of people who have experienced significant childhood abuse, abandonment, or neglect are likely to report even higher proportions of loneliness.
Deep feelings of loneliness are commonly reported in histories of childhood emotional neglect. Signs of adult relational trauma and loneliness may include:
- Difficulty being alone—the constant need for stimulation or something to distract themselves.
- Difficulty understanding themselves or their emotional needs.
- Deep feelings of emptiness that may show up as "boredom."
- Feeling worthless, or fatally flawed.
- People-pleasing.
- Toxic positivity.
- Inconsistent boundaries.
- Deep feelings of shame or guilt.
Loneliness Can Breed Further Loneliness
Because loneliness is linked to feelings of shame and not feeling “good enough,” adults who experience feelings of chronic loneliness can become quite skilled at masking it, and learning to hide it. For example, many who struggle with feelings of loneliness may try to overcompensate their vulnerable feelings with toxic positivity—where “don’t worry, be happy” becomes a toxic mantra that momentarily pushes away shame and loneliness.
They may become more depressed or feel more socially awkward by having to copyright a ‘social mask’ which may exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Others may distract themselves through superficial relationships, self-medicating, or addictive or compulsive behaviors, including excessive video gaming.
For example, a recent study found that feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and boredom are positively correlated with compulsive gaming behaviors in adulthood. These results suggest that the more depressed, lonely, or bored a person feels, the more at risk they are of becoming hyperfocused on gaming as a way of avoiding more vulnerable feelings which can spiral a person into feeling more lonely.
Childhood trauma is closely linked to many disorders including social phobias, anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, and an increased risk for some personality disorders. These red flags may reduce a person’s ability to effectively socialize. Some may not want to make friends, while others may be ostracized or bullied, affecting their sense of worth.
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